I'm getting nervous about having this baby. Okay, let's be fair, I've BEEN nervous. From the beginning. But now I'm worried that I haven't sang Macie enough bedtime songs, read her enough books, rubbed her back long enough...I'm worried that I won't have time to "make up" for all the one-on-one time I may have already short-changed her. And once Baby comes, Macie will get even less of me.
I've struggled since Macie was born with the guilt that comes with not being able to hold your second baby as much as your first baby. For example, I rarely sing Macie bedtime songs and Addie has always had bedtime songs. And now, with Baby quickly on his way, can I correct this?
I think it's important to focus not only on what can be improved, but what has been improved. I have been making very deliberate decisions lately to spend more time with her. Just over the last week she has developed a new, and wonderful, love for books. I make sure to read them to her as much as possible. I make sure to never turn her away when she wants yet another pair of shoes on her chubby little feet. I try and cuddle her after her naps whenever possible. But is this too little, too late?
And then there is time with Addie, too. My friend suggested planning something simple that can be done each day, alone, with your toddler. I've tried doing this the last two weeks and while I haven't been perfect, it has helped. We painted together the other day, and we haven't done that in a long time. It was wonderful to experience her lively imagination first-hand. But there are still so many times she wants me and I can't (or don't) make the time. And then there will be Baby...
I know all mothers just do the best they can. But am I?
So my question is, what do you do to show your children, individually, how much you love them? How do you make time for each, especially with a newborn in the house, who requires so much attention?
Dad taking his girls to bed
9 comments:
I distract the other child with television. Probably not the best strategy if I want to be a really good mom, but it's very effective.
I always feel this way, especially since adding number three to the mix. I felt like I was pretty good about doing things with my kids as long as there was only two. Adding that third threw me off for some reason. I don't think what you are doing is too little too late. I think what ever you can manage to fit in is better than nothing and will make a difference. We've gone to doing a stay-up-night once a week. We let one of our kids stay up on that night for an extra half hour and they get to choose what we do together with both mom and dad. We aren't always perfect either, but it helps. I always try to listen to what they want to tell me too, even if I'm not interested at all. I don't want them to ever think I'm not interested in them or their lives. Although, I'm not perfect at that either. I think the point is that we will never be as perfect at being a mom as we would like to be. We need to just do the best we can and I think that will be good enough. Don't beat yourself up so much, just love your kids the best you can.
I don't have as many as you or Hillary, but I am also making a concerted effort to stop what I'm doing to play cars with Noah and to make sure I answer him when he talks to me instead of just turning a deaf ear. I think you really have to just do what you can.
p.s. does Macie really have chubby feet? I just can't imagine your kids having chubby anything ;)
I had one more thought I wanted to add. Your kids will not remember what you did with them when they are older, they will only remember how they felt. So if you can help them feel loved and safe every day, I don't think it really matters how you do it. I don't remember Mom reading me books or singing me songs, but I know she loved me. That's all I remember.
My dear Jana--If you only knew how much I admire your loving ways to your children. Just watch and listen to them--they are happy and content. I cried when I read your blog--it brought so much of my desires as a mother to care for each one of them--to let them know they are loved and very special. We all experience this with each child born--how can I stretch that love a little further--but with God"s help it happens. Tom and I did a VIP night for each of our children when they were a little older. I do not know if Jason remembers that--but we would get a babysitter for the rest of the kids and take our VIP child out to their favorite eating place or to a show. It happened only once a month for each child so it took about six months to complete and then we would start over. We had fun--at least Mom and Dad did. We were able to talk about things that probably normally would never come up when you are busy with everyone else. Jana, how wonderful you are--some mothers would not even think about that and I am so grateful to know you and share in your special family and life. You will find the time and each child will be loved--there is no doubt in my mind that all things will work out--your a choice mom. Thank you for your wonderful example. Love your Mom in law.
I like your bedtime thoughts. It's always nice to hear what someone is really feeling. I would say that you are giving your children the best gift - a sibling. As much as you want to be there for your kids, read to them, spend one-on-one time with them - something that will leave a bigger impression is what they learn by having a sibling. I think it's sort of hard to share your kids and split your time but they will remember FAMILY time more than anything else. Giggling with sisters and wrestling with brothers and having a mother who creates a positive environment for that to happen. You are the funnest mom. I love that you paint with Addie and it always sounds like you have such a blast. It's hard cause your first child is your best friend and you kinda have to share the rest of the kids with their siblings. as silly as that sounds. Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble. You are going to be great. because you care enough to think about it and figure it out.
Jana you are a great mom. They know that you love them and that is important. I struggle with the same thing all the time. I must admit that I think you do a better job at it than I do. I am glad that you posted this, I have enjoyed reading the comments and the ideas that people give. I need to be better at this esp with my older kids. I don't know what I am going to do when number 5 gets here in May. I guess I will start working on it now so that it is habit by then.
Thank you again for sharing your feelings and helping me realize some of the things that I knew deep down that I needed to work on. You are amazing.
You are amazing honey! Love you!
When Ada was born Sam was 3.5 and very interested in helping me and loving her. I made sure that I talked to him even if I was feeding her, let him play loudly even if she was sleeping, let him kiss her as much as he wanted as long as he was gentle and so forth. I feel like the transition from 1 to 2 has gone smoothly and I hope the same happens when other angels arrive. You are a great Mom and the small things you do really do make a difference. I noticed that when Daddy came home from work, those small things from the day were remembered and he found joy in them. I can't wait to see your little bundle. Post lots of pictures!
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